Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
