She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
