it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
