Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
