Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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