I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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