RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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