i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
