i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
