i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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