I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
