mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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