Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
