Moan for me like Helen Keller
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
