i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
