i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
