now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
