she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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