So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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