At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
