Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize