it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize