They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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