How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
