Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize