She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You can't motorboat a personality
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
