I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
