she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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