so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
