i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize