Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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