His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
