This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
