Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize