final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he thought i was a dude.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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