She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
