I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
