I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
