you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
