Betty ford says i'm here all night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
