I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
