Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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