ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That accounts for only three of the penises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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