IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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