I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
