So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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