You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
