i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
