I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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