you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
