i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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