Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
