so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
