I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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