good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
