so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
