it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
