her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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