i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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