i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
