I think my vagina is haunted
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
