There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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