so explain again why im purple
no
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
