Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
