You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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