I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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