so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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