How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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