Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
