look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize