guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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