i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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