after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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