Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We need to get me chipped asap
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
