dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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