he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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