it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
