just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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