Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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