Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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