There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
