Sry I called you an 8
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
