Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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