Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This house was built for laser tag.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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