He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
