your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
