this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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