I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
