yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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