Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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