what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
