the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
