the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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