The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
