Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
