your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize