Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
