Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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