You can't motorboat a personality
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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