I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
