I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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