Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
