pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
