and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
