you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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