My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
