The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
True strength comes from lack of pants
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
