I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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