dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
God, I missed his penis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
