I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Shame - the story of my life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
