I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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