Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
