I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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