In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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