I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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