Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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