mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
