Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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