sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
