My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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